Motorcycles and Beer

As we all know, they mix.

They create a viscoliquescent solution of unadulterated cool heretofor unseen by the likes of many, many motorists. Knowing this, I contacted my man what supplies me with knowledge of wordly sorts, for he, among other things, was a motorcycle owner. Being that, and knowing quite well the afformentioned info, it should be no surprise to any of you that he as well has a propensity for from time to time, it's not like he has a problem or anything but a propensity for being drunk.

This gives him, as it does many, good ideas. Ideas like, Henry, ride my motorcycle.
I am no one to refuse a kind offer like this because after all, we're all brothers.

So I hopped on.
And I rode (free as the wind!) to the end of the block, around a Volkswagen, and upon the turn back to my apartment, Man of Worldly Knowledge took wait.

But I did not stop.

I continued, all of three blocks, at which point, I almost got ground under a chicken bus crossing an intersection without so much as the right of way.

Oh cursed I was from the windows of that '72 Blue Bird Body Company (powered by Ford Motors) school bus!

Therefore, upon my return you can understand how easy it must have been for me to have run over that cat.

My head hung in shame, nary a word upon my lips to express this feeling!

Basically, I wasn't paying that much attention.
Either way, with the blood of this cat on my hands and bike chain, I returned, to the awaiting man.

The story was not recounted.

Even though, in my mind, I felt it to be pretty fucking good.

Long Goodbye: Volume one

So, I've got this problem. Every two days or so, when I check my email, in the hopes that I may receive a message bearing some relevance and/or urgency in regards to my life, family, etc., I am greeted by a ranting, capitol-letter-subject psychomessage from Jerry Fallwell. I don't know how this guy got my e-mail, or why he has given it to every Christian internet community mailing list in existence (including, but not limited to, "Meet Christian Singles," "Singles with Christian Values," "Christian Singles with Valuables," and "Catfancy.")

And I'm not entirely certain I'm supposed to know why.

My last dose of E-ligthening from the conservative Christian right's self elected direct-link-to-God-via-CB-radio operator bore the subject line "LIBERALS TRYING HARDER THAN EVER TO DESTROY CHRISTIANITY."

Friend's he's on to us.


If want to achieve our goal of deicide by our November deadline we must move fast.

You will all be sent todays launch codes and Vigilance Kit via the new KFC snacker, to be purchased at Battlefield KFC in Manassas.

Included in the kit will be cyanide pills (2) Paul Reiser's bestseller "Couplehood" (1) my latest Boobah Fanfiction manuscript(s) (1 unless you've previously requested the full volume) O.B. applicator (Family Size Box) and finally, a collection of Darkthrone albums (3).

You all know what must be done.